Friday from Ragtime Bill

[Alan]

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Yeah, and who's the little Irishman living in your backyard?
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Patty O'Furniture.
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Alan R. Barnard
Salem, MO

-----Original Message-----
From: pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] On =
Behalf
Of John Ross
Sent: Friday, March 18, 2005 1:05 AM
To: pianotech
Subject: Fw: Friday from Ragtime Bill


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Sorry I didn't have these for yesterday:
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ST. PATRICK'S DAY GROANERS
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Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
A: Real rocks are too heavy.
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Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.
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Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He's Dublin over with laughter!
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Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
A: St. O'Claus!
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Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they're green with envy!
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Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football
player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!
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Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A: Because they're very short-tempered!
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"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
"Oh, really?"
"No, O'Reilly!"
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------
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Cecil shares this one:
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To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie
Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall =
for
the benefit of  the AARP. She changed (slightly) the lyrics to one of =
her
favorite songs, as follows:=20
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"Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,=20
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,=20
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,=20
These are a few of my favorite things.=20
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Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,=20
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,=20
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,=20
These are a few of my favorite things.=20
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When the pipes leak,=20
When the bones creak,=20
When the knees go bad,=20
I simply remember my favorite things,=20
And then I don't feel so bad.=20
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Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,=20
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,=20
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,=20
These are a few of my favorite things.=20
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Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',=20
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',=20
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,=20
When we remember our favorite things.=20
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When the joints ache,=20
when the hips break,=20
When the eyes grow dim,=20
Then I remember the great life I've had,=20
And then I don't feel so bad."=20
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Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over =
four
minutes and repeated encores.=20
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------
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How To Keep Your Sanity
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Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her
best friend, "They're driving me nuts.  Such pests, they give me no rest =
and
I'm half-way to the nut hatch."
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"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her =
friend
said.
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So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how
things were going.
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"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a =
good
book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
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And finally,
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Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive new MBA =
took
a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a fast-growing
computer software company. She found the work challenging and the travel
interesting, but was extremely annoyed by her boss's tendency to treat =
her
in public as though she were his girlfriend rather than a professional
associate.
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This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist on
ordering for her, and on calling her Dearest or Darling within earshot =
of
the waiters.=20
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When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop, but the
patronizing behavior continued. Finally, as he led her into a four-star
restaurant, she took matters into her own hands.
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"Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink at the
maitre d'.
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"Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad."
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-$3 ("If you don't like the news, go out and make some.")


--
Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: 03/09/2005



--=20
Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: 03/09/2005
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