to all and - no one in particular -

Piannaman@aol.com Piannaman@aol.com
Thu, 27 Jan 2005 22:43:44 EST


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Andre,
=20
Very thoughtful post.  It's sometimes easy to forget that there is a  person=
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at the other end of that e-mail. =20
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I feel like your post should be engraved somewhere as list etiquette!
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Thanks for the reminder,
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Dave Stahl
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In a message dated 1/27/05 11:33:14 AM Pacific Standard Time, =20
antares@euronet.nl writes:

As an email  person, I noticed over the years that on any e-mail forum=20
it is very easy  to get into a small or even a big brawl over whatever.
E-mailers hardly  ever see each other, and e-mailing in general is a=20
very risky business  because e-mailers miss eye contact and body=20
language, and a sentence or  even just a word may result in a possible=20
un-asked for and un-wanted  reaction.

Getting agitated, irritated, frustrated and even insulted or  hurt,=20
depends on the flammability, character, and personality of an =20
individual.
It is very often better to take some time and distance from  an e-mail=20
full of 'words', instead of pulling out the guns and knives  pronto.
We all have our weaknesses, and me, IO in the very first  place.
I know I may have hurt or insulted people on this list, but I can =20
assure you that for at least 99% it was un-intentionally. If you got =20
hurt by me, please read this last sentence again and please except my =20
sincere apologies right now!

If someone has an introvert and shy  personality, that person may=20
perhaps never take part in the never ending  piano discussion on DA=20
list. That's not bad, that's just how it is, and we  have to accept it.
That person just reads and thinks about it, or does not  think about it=20
at all afterwards.
They are called lurkers, so I learned  when I tried to understand and=20
improve my English (with the help of a kind  and helpful American=20
friend).

If you dare to come forward and show  at least something of your being,=20
you take part, and you are able to  exchange your thoughts.
If you have an extrovert personality, you take part  of this list maybe=20
every day, and you chat with many, and discuss all  kinds of issues all=20
the time.

If the latter is the case, it might  very well be possible that at least=20
some of the many words you type in  will be understood in a wrong way,=20
and unintended.
If so, that person  will then be corrected. or even get punished=20
immediately, because the  other person or persons who felt insulted, or=20
hurt, have a need to  retaliate, which is understandable... we're all=20
humans ok?
I myself  have a so called extrovert or outgoing personality, which=20
means that I am  aware of the dangers of "showing up, of showing=20
yourself".

What I  am actually trying to say here, is that, in order to not let a=20
possible  conflict escalate, it is also possible to remain quiet, to say=20
nothing for  at least a while, and wait and see how things develop.

If you feel the  need to correct a co-subscriber, we could take Dale=20
Erwins way of  "diplomacy" as a very good example of how to say what you=20
have to say, and  at the same time show mercy towards the person who=20
"gets on your  nerve".

In that case, stabbing and lashing out, is unnecessary and an =20
escalation has been put off and avoided.

If you 'weigh' your  thoughts, you weigh your words        .......


Where 'music' is no harm can be

Andr=E9  Oorebeek
Amsterdam
The Netherlands




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