Key lead amusement

[Robert Goodale]

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> To link an honest questioner (me) to "PETA freaks" looks way too =
reactionary, from my point
> of view.  I hope no one tries to make a joke of it, as you would like =
to.
>=20
> Regards,
> Clyde

Ha!  Sorry, it was pretty funny to me.  Still is.  PETA was only an =
example, (one of my favorite organizations to make fun of), not a =
comparison to you personally.

LET'S SEE, MAYBE I CAN THINK OF A BETTER JOKE...  (Late night piano tech =
stand-up routine)
And now, from the fabulous musical comedy club in Las Vegas....
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=
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Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I just flew in from the PTG =
convention and boy are my arms tired!  So how many techs do we have from =
out of town?

I understand some of you have been concerned about recycling the lead =
from old keys.  I heard an interesting story about this recently:
Two piano technicians walk into a bar.
One says to the other, "say, what do you do with old key leads?"
Overhearing the conversation the bar tender walks over and says, "No =
problem, just bring them here"
"Bring them here?  Why?"  the tech asks.
"Because, people are always looking for a little heavy action around =
here when getting hammered".
(Bada boom bada psheeee!)

Hey, ivorysemble that remark!  But seriously folks...  Without =
physically removing the leads is there a simpler way to make a piano =
lighter? Sure, just start playing heavy metal.  That way you empty out =
all the music.
(Badump boom psheee!)

But really, we should all take recycling serious.  And we really ought =
to be recycling old strings.  The single strings can become unicycles, =
the double strings can become bicycles, and the three string notes can =
become tricycles.
(Badabump bada pshechee!)

Tuning pins, now there's a thing that can be reused.  After all, with so =
many years of turning it's time to turn them into something else.  =
Speaking of turning, what's the easiest way to tune unequal temperament? =
 Use random string and pin sizes.
(Bah dump bada boom psheeee!)

Now plastic, there's a new one.  You know, a lot of companies are =
starting to use plastic parts instead of wood... you see this way you =
save conventional forests.  Instead you cut down plastic forests, like =
the ones where artificial Christmas trees come from.
(Bada dump bada dump bada phseeee!)

But seriously, a lot of wood goes into the construction of a piano.  And =
there are limited resources too.  And some of those parts don't even =
come from trees.  Let's see, you've got butts, legs, heals, heads, =
cheeks, nose bolts... there are a lot of human aspects to this business. =
 And sometimes these parts go bad.  Like Veneer for example.  If it gets =
wet and peels it will develop veneerial disease!
(Bada boom bada psheeee!)

Of course we do have to be careful not to be too wasteful in piano =
construction.  Even our animal friends give it up for our enjoyment.  =
Buckskin leather for example is used extensively.  And the hide glue =
that the Jell-O people sacrificed for us.  And how about the sheep that =
gave us felt for which there otherwise would be no pianos.  Some of our =
animal friends aren't able to help us anymore however.  For example we =
aren't aloud to use ivory for keys anymore because of the endangered =
elephants.  Perhaps the most abuse however is to be blamed on Wurlitzer =
for their extensive use of naugahide.  Why today there are almost no =
naugas left and rumor has it that the avocado green ones are now =
extinct.  Now companies all over the world are being forced to use =
"imitation Nauga".
(Badump boom psheee!)

Thank you ladies and gentleman, you have been a wonderful audience!
(Applause, applause, applause!)


Rob Goodale, RPT
Las Vegas, NV

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