O.K. ya GOTTA read this one!

[Gregory Torres]

I Loved It!!!  LOL

G.T.

Greg Newell wrote:

> Don't know if you have seen this before, but it's pretty good.
>
>  TREK MEETS WINDOWS 95
>  =====================
>  Will Windows 95 Live Long and Prosper?
>  --------------------------------------
>    "Sulu, set path to the floppy drive.  Scotty, fit the hard
>  drive with the MicroSoft Windows 95 engine.  Chekov, prepare the
>  install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
>    "Captain, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
>    "Right.  Then let's see how she performs at task speed.
>  Scotty?"
>    "Captain, are you surrrrre you want to rrrreplace the system?
>  If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking
>  environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
>    "Scotty, that's an order."
>    "Aye Captain, but she's just not ready.  She needs a proper
>  beta shakedown."
>    "That's what we're doing, Scotty.  Chekov, how are those
>  install disks coming?"
>    "We're on disk 5, sir."
>    "Good.  Spock?"
>    "Fascinating, Captain.  It appears as if Windows 95 is
>  scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
>    "Then Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the
>  Microsoft sound card, which works fine as configured under
>  Windows 3.1?"
>    "Unknown, Captain."
>    "Will it use a ProAudio Spectrum?"
>    "Unknown, Captain."
>    "How about a Sound Blaster?"
>    "Unknown, Captain."
>    "What good are you, anyway?"
>    "Box-office attraction, Captain."
>    "Bones?"
>    "I'm a doctor - not a hardware technician."
>    "Spock, cancel the Microsoft sound card and install the
>  ProAudio Spectrum.  Chekov, finish the software installation.
>  Sulu, reboot the system when it's ready and prepare to go to task
>  speed on my signal."
>    "Aye, aye, Captain."
>    "Chekov?"
>    "We've just entered the desktop zone, Captain."
>    "Captain, she canna take it much more.  Another 15 sectors and
>  the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."
>    "Scotty, we haven't even started yet."
>    "Sorry, Captain, I just haven't had a line in so long..."
>    "Sulu, go to task 1.  Bring up the README.TXT in the notepad."
>    "Aye, Captain."
>    "Wait a minute.  Cancel that order.  Plot a shortcut to the
>  README.TXT in the desktop zone.  We'll be navigating back there
>  frequently."
>    "Yes, Sir."
>    "Spock?"
>    "It seems as if we have a hardware conflict, sir.  The
>  ProAudio Spectrum 16 isn't responding, either in sound or SCSI."
>    "Disable the card, Spock."
>    "I'm sorry, sir.  It won't disable the SCSI without stopping
>  the sound card first.  And it won't disable the sound card
>  without disabling the SCSI first."
>    "Captain, an enemy ship is approaching at 12 o'clock."
>    "[Looks at watch.]  Good, that gives us a little more time to
>  debug these systems."
>    "No, sir.  The ship is already upon us."
>    "Uhura?"
>    "Scanning all frequencies, sir.  I'm trying to get an image,
>  sir, but the system is awfully slow."
>    "Scotty, what's happening down there?"
>    "The engine is running smoothly, Captain, but the 16-bit GDI
>  can only process one console request at a time."
>    "See what you can do, Scotty.  Spock?"
>    "It appears to be an IBM ship, Captain.  Equipped with a Warp
>  drive."
>    [Impressive sound of Warp engine coming up to speed.  OOhs and
>  Ahhs as crew gazes in the direction of enemy ship.]
>    "Put it on visual, Mr. Chekov."
>    "Aye, Captain."
>    [Louder OOhs and Ahhs.]
>    "Mr. Spock, the enemy ship is approaching fast.  We need
>  audio!"
>    "I'm sorry, Captain.  The registry is not responding."
>    "Bones?"
>    "I'm a doctor, not a beta tester!"
>    "Quick, Sulu, bring up the README.TXT file."
>    "Captain - it's gone.  Some other task in the system must have
>  moved or changed it."
>    "Long-range scan, Chekov."
>    "I found it, Captain.  Wait a minute.  This README.TXT file is
>  for the game Land of Lore, with Patrick Stewart doing the voice
>  of King Richard."
>    "Patrick Stewart?"
>    "You've never heard of Patrick Stewart?"
>    "No."
>    "Must be a generation gap."
>    "Captain, she canna take it much more.  Another 15 sectors
>  and the engines'll burn up fer surrrrre."
>    "[Sigh.]  Maintain power, Mr. Scott.  Quick, Sulu, put us on
>  red alert."
>    "Captain, I can't figure out how to change the color of the
>  desktop background!"
>    "Bones?"
>    "I'm a doctor, not the FORCE docs!!"
>    "Never mind.  Find the screen saver.  Spock, prepare to fire
>  HP LaserJet."
>    "Captain, I've chosen the screen saver that says `Chicago is
>  COOL' but now I'm getting no response at the helm."
>    [BOOM as the enemy hits ship with photon torpedo, then large
>  zapping sound, then either the ship moves back and forth, or
>  people sway left and right, depending on perspective. Sparks fly
>  from console, fires glare, indicating what would normally be
>  irreparable damage, yet will be fixed in just minutes.]
>    "Sulu, take evasive action;  otherwise, it's certain doom!"
>    "Aye, Aye, Captain.  It certainly is Doom and I don't mind
>  saying I'm getting awfully sick of this demo.  Doom is one of the
>  most stable games on the market and it runs under OS/2 with no
>  problems whatsoever."
>    "We've got... to get... to the colonel.  Uhura... notify...
>  the... colonel at Star Fleet."
>    "Captain, I think either communications are breaking up, or
>  you're dropping into melodramatic Shakespearean stammer mode
>  again."
>    "Spock?"
>    "Fascinating, Captain.  It would seem that the needs of the
>  few have out-weighed the needs of the many."
>    "Scotty, get us out of here!"
>    "Sorry, Captain, the engine is no longer responding!  We'll
>  have to do a hard boot to rrrrecover."
>
> END ?
>
> Greg and Mary Ellen Newell
> Greg's Piano Forte`
> Lakewood, Ohio 44107
> gnewell@en.com