On Wed, Feb 11, 2009 at 12:47 PM, <wimblees at aol.com> wrote: > > How did this guy know what I use these tools for? > > Enjoy. > > Wim > > > > > > > >TOOLS EXPLAINED ~ > > >DRILL PRESS: > > >A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar > > >stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings > > >your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which > > >you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. > > >----- > > >WIRE WHEEL: > > >Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the > > >workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and > > >hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to > > >say, 'Oh sh -- ' > > > >----- > > >ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: > > >Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of > > >old age. > > >----- > > >SKILL SAW: > > >A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. > > >----- > > >PLIERS: > > >Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of > > >blood-blisters. > > >----- > > >BELT SANDER: > > >An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs > > >into major refinishing jobs. > > >----- > > >HACKSAW: > > >One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. > > >It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and > > >the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your > > >future becomes. > > >----- > > >VISE-GRIPS: > > >Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If > > >nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense > > >welding heat to the palm of your hand. > > >----- > > >OXYACETYLENE TORCH: > > >Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your > > >shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub > > >out of which you want to remove a bearing race. > > >----- > > >TABLE SAW: > > >A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood > > >projectiles for testing wall integrity. > > > > >----- > > >HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: > > >Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have > > >installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under > the bumper. > > >----- > > >BAND SAW: > > >A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good > > >aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the > > >trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside > edge. > > >----- > > >TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: > > >A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you > > >forgot to disconnect. > > >PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: > > >Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening > > >old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but > > >can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw > > >heads. > > >----- > > >STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: > > >A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common > > >slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. > > >----- > > >PRY BAR: > > >A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you > > >needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > > >----- > > >HOSE CUTTER: > > >A tool used to make hoses too short. > > > > > >----- > > >HAMMER: > > >Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used > > >as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent > > >the object we are trying to hit. > > >----- > > >UTILITY KNIFE: > > >Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons > > >delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents > > >such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector > > >magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially > > >useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. > > >----- > > >DAMN-IT TOOL: > > >Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while > > >yelling 'DAMN-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, > > >the next tool that you will need. > > >. > > > > ------------------------------ > *A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!<http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100000075x1218694775x1201253752/aol?redir=http://www.freecreditreport.com/pm/default.aspx?sc=668072%26hmpgID=62%26bcd=febemailfooterNO62> > * > Great fun, only because of the truth of them! Thanks Wim, Mike -- I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright Michael Magness Magness Piano Service 608-786-4404 www.IFixPianos.com email mike at ifixpianos.com -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: <http://ptg.org/pipermail/pianotech_ptg.org/attachments/20090211/3dcca67c/attachment.html>
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