On the 14th day of December

[Richard Brekne]

Hi Alan...

I havent been really happy with the first line since the first first 
line :)... but this is a work in progress as it were.  A couple 
suggestions have been very funny... but like the original first line 
they take the song off in a different direction then it has taken.  
Grin... fortunately we are half way through roughly... and have plenty 
of time to ponder on it.  It should roughly rhyme with "Partridge in a 
pear tree"... have the same meter, and go well with the rest of the 
song.... hehe.. cant very well say a box full of busted up keys :)  well 
well.. Think on it !

Cheers
RicB


        Okay, Ric, I applaud your efforts but I reeeeeaaaallllllly don't
        like the last line. Maybe, in part, it's because American
        English uses the word carton so sparingly--as in carton of milk.

        If I "cart" home a bunch of loose keysticks, I'd but them in a
        BOX, not a carton. Anyway, the line just seems jarringly wrong,
        to me.

        Alan Barnard
        Salem, MO




     >Grin.... :)

     >On the 14th day of December, a piano came to me...

     >    With fourteen wobbly whippens
     >    Thirteen coins a-clinking,
     >    Twelve tubby bass strings,
     >    Eleven  jacks a-jumping,
     >    Ten grungy grommets,
     >    Nine brittle bridles,
     >    Eight damaged dampers,
     >    Seven fractured flanges,
     >    Six errant elbows,
     >    Five broken strings !
     >    Four coats of paint,
     >    Three warped posts,
     >    Two pedals bent,
     >    And a carton of several cracked keys.

     >Cheers
     >RicB