Hi Bill: That's the best humor I have seen since Warren Fischer resigned from the Humor list leadership. Jim Coleman, Sr. On Mon, 26 Jan 1998 Billbrpt@aol.com wrote: > Dear List, > I am enjoying the discussion on temperaments and realize that people have > strong opinions. There are people in Madison who only tune ET and I respect > their beliefs on the subject as I do Jim Bryant's and Ralph Martin's. There > was no implication made that Ralph has ever said anything to his customers > that was not sincere and done so with the integrity expected of an RPT. > As I was tuning this morning, I thought of a few embellishments to my two > "options" which should not have been nor should be taken seriously. The > following is meant to be tongue-in-cheek but serves to demonstrate how anyone > can use material which is basically factual to suit one's own purpose or > agenda. > > Technician: "I'll give you a choice in how you'd like your piano > tuned: > > Option A: A nice, normal, regular, well-tempered tuning. It is the way all > of the European composers tuned from the time of Bach through the Victorian > era. Bach even wrote two whole books of music to show how good this tuning > system is. They are called the "Well-Tempered Clavier Music". Have you heard > of it? > Customer: Yes, I play some of that music myself. > Technician: Each key you play in will have a distinct character. At the > top of the cycle of 5ths, you will hear smooth, gentle, quiet harmony. In > the remote keys, you'll hear beautiful vibrant, singing tones, enhanced > leading tones. When you play > modern music such as jazz, you'll hear crisp clear harmonies. > > Customer: What is the other option? > Tech: A method known as a "Historical Temperament". > Cust: What is historical about it?" > Tech: Well, along about the time when Russia was falling to the Communists, > the Titanic sank, the Hindenburg exploded and Al Capone and his mob were > running bootleg liquor and extorting money out of innocent businessmen, a > group of evil scientists conspired to practice their own kind of extortion by > inventing a method of tuning which they forced upon the general population to > satisfy their own lust for power. These people weren't even musicians. They > were people who were trying to define music "scientifically" and who > prescribed a certain irrational frequency for each note of the scale. > A man named Dr. White wrote a book in which he published a table of those > frequencies. He said that from now on, everyone who tunes a piano should do > it his way. Being that the whole thing sounded so "scientific" and all, added > to the fact that this man was a "doctor", people believed in his method even > though it was very difficult to learn. Later, a machine called the "Strobe > Tuner" was invented to help tuners get these frequencies exactly because it > was so difficult for them to do by ear. It became common for tuners to buy > these "Strobe Tuners" because tuning in this new "scientific" way was thought > to be somehow better than the natural way that the ear hears so easily. > Cust: What will my piano sound like, tuned this way? > Tech: If I tune your piano this way, none of the harmony you hear from your > traditional and classical music will sound the way the composer intended. > Every chord you play will be slightly "sour" and unfocused sounding. There > will be no > distinction between any of the keys. They will all have that same, > undesirable sound. There won't be any reason to modulate from one key to the > next because they will have all been homogenized into one slightly "sour" but > supposedly "scientific" arrangement. The smooth, quiet harmony you expect to > hear in the top of the cycle of 5ths will have a "busy", nervous sound to it, > quite inappropriate, I'd say. That beautiful "singing" tone you want to hear > when you play Chopin will be flattened and dulled over. Your leading tones > won't lead so well either. > Cust: My goodness! Why would anyone want a piano tuned that way? > Tech: Beats me, ma'am. In all my years as a tuner, I've never had anyone, > concert pianist, church pianist, music teacher or general customer ever ask > for it. > Cust: Then why even offer it? > Tech: Well, they say we should inform the public that they do have a choice. > Cust: But what kind of music would sound good in it? > Tech: That's a good question. It's called "Atonal" music. Have you ever > heard of it? > Cust: No, I don't think so. > Tech: That's because it is rarely, if ever played. It's really awful, in my > opinion. It has no harmony, no melody, no good beat to it or anything. Yet, > just like the Communists who wanted to make everyone in society "equal", as > they put it, these evil conspirators wanted all music in the future to be > "atonal". > Cust: Thank God they didn't succeed! > Tech: And God Bless America! We need to be truly thankful that we live in a > country where freedom of the marketplace exists and these kinds of arbitrary > rules and methods can't be imposed on free thinking, free spirited people! > Cust: Yes! God Bless America! But how do you even know how to do this > Historical Temperament if you never actually do it in practice? > Tech: Well, to become a member of PTG, you have to prove you can at least > approximate it. > Cust: Why use that as a standard when no one ever wants it? > Tech: Beats me. I think they try to set an impossibly high standard just to > make sure that the tuners who get in are really good. It takes three aural > tuners or one of those fancy modern electronic versions of the Strobe Tuner to > even establish what it is. The tuner only has to get 80% of it right to > qualify. > Cust: Then if you only need to approximate it, you're never really getting it > to begin with? > Tech: Gee, I never thought of it that way before. > Cust: What is this Historical Temperament called? > Tech: The 11th Comma SYNtonic MEANtone.* > Cust: Oh my! > Tech: So what'll it be today, ma'am, option A, the regular well or option B, > the MEAN one? > Cust: Oh, I don't think I'd EVER want that MEAN tuning! I'll just take the > regular! > > *An equivilant name for Equal Temperament > > Bill Bremmer RPT > Madison, Wisconsin > >
This PTG archive page provided courtesy of Moy Piano Service, LLC