The use of Lauter on the net.

[Warren Fisher]

Newton Hunt wrote:
>
>
> PS      I depreciate the puns.
>                 njh

Alright you guys and your puns.  Here comes a collection I just
received!

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour,the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse.  "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because,"
he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

                         -=-

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home.  The bartender knew of his habit, and would
always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.  One afternoon,
as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to
find that he was out of hazlenut extract.  Thinking quickly, he threw
together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.  The
doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and
exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry", replied
the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."

                          -=-

A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to
eat.  He came across two men.  One was sitting under a tree and
reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.  The lion
quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.  Even
the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp.

                          -=-

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.  He sent in
ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would
win.  Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

                          -=-

A guy goes to a psychiatrist.  "Doc, I keep having these alternating
recurring dreams.  First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a
teepee; then I'm a wigwam.  It's driving me crazy.  What's wrong with
me?" The doctor replies:  "It's very simple.  You're two tents."

                          -=-

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his
mouth.  The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put
in for you six months ago is eroding.  What have you been eating?" The
man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife
made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce.  I loved it so much I now put it on
everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything." "Well," says
the dentist, "that's probably the problem.  Hollandaise sauce is made
with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive.  It's eaten away
your upper plate.  I'll make you a new plate, and this time use
chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.  To which the dentist
replies, "It's simple.  Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"

                          -=-

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant.  The first
gave birth to a boy.  The chief was so elated he built her a teepee
made of deer hide.  A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a
boy.  The chief was very happy.  He built her a teepee made of
antelope hide.  The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the
chief kept the details a secret.  He built this one a two story
teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide.  The chief then challenged
the tribe to guess what had occurred.  Many tried, unsuccessfully.
Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth
to twin boys.  "Correct," said the chief.  "How did you figure it
out?" The warrior answered, "It's elementary.  The value of the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other
two hides."

So there!

Warren
--
Warren D. Fisher
fish@communique.net
Registered Piano Technician
Piano Technicians Guild
New Orleans Chapter 701