Ron: You forgot the HANTAVIRUS. It's neither PC (politically correct) nor UN-PC but it's carried by your mouse. >Date: Sat, 21 Sep 1996 00:16:01 -0800 (PST) >From: ron_and_lorene@juno.com (Ronald R Shiflet) >Sender: owner-pianotech@byu.edu >To: mac69@imap2.asu.edu >cc: pianotech@byu.edu, Jandar@juno.com, Daron_Jones@7habits.com, > Brent.Kempton@trw.com, Delbert_and_Melinda@juno.com, > Sorensen@eac.cc.az.us, Wilson@eac.cc.az.us >Subject: PC Viruses > >Watch out for the following viruses: > > >PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains loudly >about foreign software. > >COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do anything. >Secretly, you wish it would. > >Hillary CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously >a year later, in another directory. > >O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but >you just can't prove it. > >STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size. > >PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. >It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if >by C. > >POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never identifies itself as a "virus," but >instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism." > >ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just >before the whole thing quits. > >TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. > >DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but >ewe cant figyour outt watt! > >GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic >software says everything is fine. > >NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of >people really mad just thinking about it. > >FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of >little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which >claim to be the most important part of your computer. > >GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent >of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent >margin of error). > >TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. > >ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple. > >CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, and the screen splits in >half with the same message appearing on each side of the screen. The >message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other >side. > >AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in >Singapore. > >FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own >motherboard. > >PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. > >ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self >destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations >across rural America. > >OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. > >NIKE VIRUS: Just does it. > >SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power >supply, and a set of shocks. > >JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Your programs can never be found again. > >KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. > >STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has >gone before. > >HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system once a day, finds nothing >wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
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