List, Sorry, but I couldn't resist. This is in no way related to piano technology but it is very typical of how we think and what we go through conducting experiments to prove or disprove a theory. Hope you like it. Ron Shiflet FWD>>>>> FW: Hazards of modern life, cont. Thought you might like this one! > > Blading Barbie Sparks On Wheels > > by Dave Barry > > As executive director of the Bureau of Consumer Alarm, I am always >on the alert for news stories that involve two key elements: > > 1. Fire > 2. Barbie > > > So I was very interested when alert reader Michael Robinson sent me >a column titled "Ask Jack Sunn" from the Dec. 13, 1993, issue of the >Jackson, Miss., Clarion-Ledger. Here's an excerpt from a consumer's >letter to this column, which I am not making up: > > "Last year, my two daughters received presents of two Rollerblade >Barbie dolls by Mattel. On March 8, my 8-year-old daughter was playing >beauty shop with her 4-year-old brother. After spraying him with hair >spray, the children began to play with the boot to Rollerblade Barbie. >My little girl innocently ran the skate across her brother's bottom, >which immediately ignited his clothes." > > The letter adds that "There are no warnings concerning fire on >these toys ...I feel the need to warn potential buyers of their danger." > > In his response, Jack Sunn says, cryptically, that "Mattel does >not manufacture Rollerblade Barbie any more." He does not address the >critical question that the consumer's letter raised in my mind, as I'm >sure it did yours, namely: Huh? > > I realized that the only way to answer this question was to conduct >a scientific experiment. As you may recall, last year, in response to a >news item concerning a kitchen fire in Ohio, I did an experiment proving >that if you put a Kellogg's strawberry Pop-Tart in a toaster and hold >the toaster lever down for five minutes and 50 seconds, the Pop-Tart >will turn into a snack-pastry blowtorch, shooting flames up to 30 inches >high. Also your toaster will be ruined. > > The problem was that I did not have a Rollerblade Barbie. My son >happens to be a boy, and we never went through the Barbie phase. We went >through the Masters of the Universe phase. For two years our household >was the scene of a fierce, unceasing battle between armies of good and >evil action figures. They were everywhere. You'd open up the salad >crisper, and there would be He-Man and Skeletor, striking each other >with carrots. > > So at the end of a recent column, I printed a note appealing for a >Rollerblade Barbie. I got two immediately; one from Renee Simmons of >Clinton, Iowa, and one from Randy Langhenry of Gainesville, Ga., who >said it belonged to his 6-year-old daughter, Greta. ("It would help me >if you could get Barbie back to north Georgia before Greta notices she's >gone," Randy wrote.) > > Rollerblade Barbie is basically a standard Barbie, which is to say, >she represents the feminine beauty ideal, if your concept of a beautiful >female is one who is six feet, nine inches tall and weighs 52 pounds (37 >of which are in the bust area) and has a rigidly perky smile and >eyeballs the size of beer coasters and a one-molecule nose and enough >hair to clog the Lincoln Tunnel. > > But what makes this Barbie special is that she's wearing two little >yellow Rollerblade booties, each of which has a wheel similar to the >kind found in cigarette lighters, so that when you roll Barbie along, >her booties shoot out sparks. This seems like an alarming thing for >Rollerblades to do, but Barbie, staring perkily ahead, does not seem to >notice. > > To ensure high standards of scientific accuracy, I conducted the >experiment in my driveway. Aside from Rollerblade Barbie, my materials >consisted of several brands of hair spray and -- this was a painful >sacrifice -- a set of my veteran underwear (estimated year of purchase: >1968). I spread the underwear on the driveway, then sprayed it with hair >spray, then made Rollerblade Barbie skate across it, sparking her >booties. I found that if you use the right brand of hair spray -- I got >excellent results with Rave -- Rollerblade Barbie does indeed cause the >underwear to burst dramatically into flame. > > (While I was doing this, a neighbor walked up, and I just want to >say that if you think it's easy to explain why you're squatting in your >driveway, in front of a set of burning underwear, surrounded by hair >spray bottles, holding a Barbie doll in your hand, then you are >mistaken.) > > At this point, the only remaining scientific question -- I'm sure >this has occurred to you -- was: Could Rollerblade Barbie set fire to a >Kellog's strawberry Pop-Tart? The answer turns out to be yes, but you >have to be in the act of hair-spraying the Pop-Tart when Barbie >Rollerblades over it, so you get a blowtorch effect that could very >easily set fire to Barbie's hair, no to mention your own personal self. >Plus you get tart filling in the booties. > > So we can see why Mattel ceased manufacturing Rollerblade Barbie. >I imagine that whichever toy designer dreamed up this exciting concept >has been transferred to Mattel's coveted Bosnia plant. But what should >be done about all the Rollerblade Barbies that are already in >circulation? I believe that the only solution is for all concerned >consumers to demand that our congress-humans pass a federal law >requiring that all underwear, snack pastries and other household objects >carry a prominent label stating: > > "WARNING! DO NOT SPRAY HAIR SPRAY ON THIS OBJECT > AND SKATE ROLLERBLADE BARBIE OVER IT!" > > But that is not enough. We also need to appropriate millions of >dollars for a massive federal effort to undo the damage that has been >done so far. I'm talking about scraping this crud off my driveway. > Also, the taxpayers owe Greta a new Barbie. --------- End forwarded message ----------
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