Wooleyes New Service

[Yardbird47@aol.com]

The Proud, the Few........
(dateline 4/1/95) NH Chapter President Jim Herrick took time following the
March meeting to go on record concerning the N.H. Chapter's new entrance
exam. "We've had growing misgivings about the current national entrance exam.
Some of us feel that Dr. Sanderson has used his fiendish tune-box to put
control of induction of new members into the hands of a small elite,
high-tech priesthood. Those of us who see the standardized exam as yet
another rathole through which degeneracy can seep into the state feel
honor-bound to uphold N.H.'s proud heritage of "Live Free or Shoot'. Heck, we
don't mean any harm. We just happen to know what's best for us up here, and
the Chapter's much happier with an exam which lets in more people like us".
As for the tuning section, that infernal tune-box is thrown out, and the
three examiners are replaced by our own dear Miss Margaret Rectitude
Rumphardt, whose attitude about tuning reflects the rest of her spartan life,
"No tuning is better than a bad one." Jim elaborates, "All of us at one time
or another have had to pass muster with Miss Rumphardt (who was 81 years old
last August). She feels the same way we do about the State's flaming epidemic
of Creeping Moral Deficiency Syndrome. Now that she's retired from teaching
and moved into the nursing home, she's got a little spare time for "good
works". Her hearing is as sharp now as it was ten years ago."
The bench test will have some suprises, but two of them Jim doesn't mind
telling about now. "In fact," he says, "you can take as long as you want to
practice up for them." The Chapter's 5' Wurlitzer grand test piano will need
a  splice down on note #1. (If you haven't had the chance to flunk this one
yet, the core diameter is #24, this distance between the wrap and the
aggraphe is 3/8", and the tuning pin is a 1/2" from the half-round V-bar.)
Also a must is the Dammp-Chasser installation is a square grand  . Only two
requirements: the unit must be suspended from the soundboard, and  it can't
get in the way of pulling out the action. The written test didn't need much
changing, except for a new essay question. A sample topic might be "Discuss
why crime and divorce rates are higher in areas with a higher percentage of
tuners using the electronic tune-boxes". Jim says, "We've freed things up a
bit by not requiring people to cite statistical sources."
How smooth is the transition likely to be, from the Federal to the new
Sovereign Exam? Jim says, "The Chapter's solid on this: we've got eveyone
grandfathered in as RTTs (Real Tuner-Technicians.) Anyone coming in (transfer
or new) who doesn't make the grade gets to be a RT (Regular Tuner) and they
don't get any of our doughnuts at the meetings. No matter what the NERVP
says, we're going ahead with this. And we've got the International
Brotherhood of Dumpsters behind us. But just in case, we're telling everybody
to stock up on canned goods and ammo."